For centuries, being a father was associated with providing and protecting. However, as society moved from getting the necessities of food and education, or protection from physical danger, the role of a father has evolved, shifting drastically over the past few decades, with more demands and higher expectations than ever. It is nowadays more associated with emotions and the provision of a healthy mental environment for the child. Fatherhood is no longer just about dad works all day then picks up the kids from school and groceries from the supermarket. There are new evolving requirements to fatherhood such as patience, tolerance, and managing the child’s mental health. It is a full-time job with no vacations and no retirement.
In this article, we have gathered few advice to help you navigate this most demanding of jobs, survive it, and thrive in it. If you are already following these, then you are already on the right path of fatherhood:
Being there
Quality time is the best gift you can give to your child. If you are busy and cannot be there for long hours, don’t worry, you are not the only one. The guilt of not spending enough time with them might haunt you often. However, if you make sure that when you are there, you are really there. This will make all the difference. When you are spending the quality time with your child, remove all destructions: phone, TV, any other interactions or even thinking about other things that do not belong to your moment with your child. This will you and your child happier, and after all, your time is the best investment in your child’s life.
Giving compliments
It is never a bad idea to give compliments to your child, boost their confidence and show gratitude when they do well to enforce positive attitude. Your child mental health and personality is heavily impacted by your behaviour and how you treat them, so be diligent on what kind of a role model you are. Do not let them strive for your approval.
Sharing an interest
If you find it difficult to find the will to spend time with your child, try and identify a common interest with them, maybe a game or a sport you love. Whatever it might be, it will mean a lot to your child, and the feelings they will grow from doing something with you will last them a lifetime. If you are having a hard time tolerating the notion of spending time with your child, then this activity or interest might resolve the problem. It might also awaken the child within, we know he’s inside you somewhere waiting to come out and play again. Make play a ritual for you and your child, and believe me, it will bring an incomparable care-free happiness, a much needed necessity for a parent.
Leading with empathy
As one of leading figures in your household, remember that power resides more with the ones who are more merciful and empathetic. When you talk to your child, try to understand they are perspective and how they see the world. They are bound to make mistakes, sometimes mistakes that seem ‘stupid’ to you, but remember, you lived on this earth longer, so it is natural that you might know better. Your child will take the time they need to be all wise and responsible. So, put yourself in their little shoes while you give that fatherly advice.
Supporting the mother
If you have a partner, then part of being in the parenting team is to be there for your teammate. Parenting can be lonely, and with today’s society, there are many expectations from parents, so it is natural to feel down, frustration, anger, anxiety, and disappointment now and then for both of you. Try to listen to your partner without judgement or critique, and please do not tell them how they should feel, especially if you don’t want them to do that to you. Every feeling is valid, and having someone who understands what one is going through can make it all the difference and boost the endurance you both require as parents. Similarly, reflect on how you are both doing occasionally and pat each other on the back. If you are following this article, then you cared enough to enrich your thoughts and self-improve, and you deserve a ‘well done you’ for this.
Knowing the plan
On a similar note to the previous, if your family has a plan, be aware of it. Do not dump your responsibility to anyone else, whether your partner, your parents, or teacher. It is ok to delegate some tasks you might not be able to fill from time to time. However, you need to be aware of all the plans your child is part of such as medical, educational, outings, and so on. My child is on the Autistic Spectrum Disorder. We have a long list of therapy appointments, activities, medical checks. It is exhausting, and there are many moments where I wish someone else can take over. But even when I delegate someone to take my child to these sessions, I make sure I am aware of how it went, how they felt during and after it, what progress, result, or follow up came out of it.
Knowing the people
In addition to your child’s plans, is it equally critical to know who the people in their lives are, including their friends. Children are impressionable, and it is your responsibility to make sure they are exposed to the right people and understand how to deal with different social situations. Be engaged, know the names and what role the closest people play in your child’s life. Sometimes children try to hide the people they think their parents will not approve of or whom they don’t know how to deal with such as bullies.
Try to grow a strong relationship with your child at an early age, where they trust their feelings with you, if you build your relationship with them based on empathy then this will make your job here much easier.
Talking about it
A fatherhood experience is as unique as the personality of your child. You might even have different fathering experiences with each of your children. Our advice here is to allow yourself time to reflect, vent, and self-sooth when required. No one is perfect, and perfectionism is not healthy when it comes to parenting anyway as it requires control and oversight of the full picture, and no one will have a full picture or control over their children. Afterall, your children are their own individuals. Look after your mental health, create a support network for yourself, where you are safe to talk about your raw feelings, experiences, ups and downs as a father without being shamed or judged. Don’t be hesitant to even reach out to the professionals, it is wise to get to know your emotions, we are all learners in this life. It is unwise to sit on it and do nothing until it manifests into a bigger problem that might impact you and your family.
Enjoying the present
No matter what your fatherhood life throws your way, and how many plans you need to draw for your kid to be successful and happy in life, it is the little moment that your child will remember, and so do you. Being a father is a full-time job, do not have the ‘it will be better when they grow attitude’. Have the ‘enjoy the ride’ attitude. The reality is, as your child grows, the challenges will grow as well, however, if any other parent on this earth can do, then you can do it too. It is called the ‘present’ because it is a ‘present’, and when it gets tough, make them laugh, and remember the good times. Every path has bumps and hardships, and every hardship eventually passes, this is just the way life works. So, enjoy every phase with your little one, take a breath, own your unique path, and be thankful you are someone’s dad. Finally, if you have arrived to the end of this article, pat yourself on the back for being such as good father.
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